It is ok not to be ok

September 19, 2023

– Hoe gaat het?

– Goed!

The classic question-answer "How are you?" in most cases will be answered "Fine," "Ok," "Good", and for sure, especially in situations where it is not true. Even at the funerals, the answer is "I'm fine" from the person who is burying a loved one.

I would love it if it were true, and this is not; this is a "ready-to-use" answer.

Looks like it is based on self-lying — when you ask yourself if can you cope with it, can you do it, and so on, and then you find a motivational speech and decide "yes", independently of your own inner feelings.

There is nothing "wrong" or "bad" with motivational speeches or motivation at all — that's a really great instrument to keep you moving. At the same time, you have to admit that before the motivation, there should be a basement where you can put those motivations.

And the basement is the admitting that you're not ok, not ready, or have no fcking idea how to cope with that at all! This is a real, bare, vulnerable position, and we don't like to put ourselves there, no! It is scary.

And for sure, the person asking "How are you?" doesn't want to hear the real answer; the person wanna hear the answer that he is comfortable with.

This is also an interesting fact: if you do not allow yourself to behave as an asshole, you will hate them; if you're not allowed yourself to shout out loud, "Yes! I Love her!" in public, you'll hate or reject people who do so. This means your capacity is not enough to process that, to cope with that, TO BE OK with that.

Being an asshole, I meant in a "good" way, for sure, when you don't like it (inner feelings, again), then you can show it. Or not — everything is up to you!

And try one day to say what exactly is inside of you to the person asking this question — you'll be surprised by the reactions!

Some people say — "Why are you telling me this?", I didn't ask you for that. Because the question "How are you?" is a part of being nice, polite character they play, not the real one they always want to be.

And with the other ones you will have the conversations you never forget — that will be real deep conversations, which will bring your relationship with those people to the next level. You could touch things you've never spoken about, probably not even thought...

The simple answer — be real, and then it will be ok, not to be ok 🤗